


The Problem of Pizza

by Luthwyn



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Vampire!Phil, metions of food, vampire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 11:19:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12934146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luthwyn/pseuds/Luthwyn
Summary: Vampire!Phil has never tried pizza, which his human boyfriend (Dan) finds a great travesty.





	The Problem of Pizza

Phil had never eaten pizza, not once in his undead life. You could say it didn't quite cater to his dietary needs. Of course, it had done once but that was a long time ago, before pizza was even invented even. He had never really seen its appeal anyway. It was greasy, soggy and quite frankly vomit inducing. The people who ate too much of it always tasted disgusting, well their blood did. He had never had any desire to try it which according to his boyfriend was quite the travesty.

"Seriously Phil you're missing out." Dan explained waving his arms over the box whilst biting into his third slice. Phil let out a quiet 'am I?' before looking down dismally at the blood bag that was supposed to be his dinner. You see Phil was a vampire and had been for a very long time. He knew it was somewhere close to the three-hundred-year mark but he'd given up counting a long time ago. Dan had often asked him about his life before he got turned but the truth was that Phil had forgotten, it was just easier that way. Sometimes he regretted repressing so many of his old memories, his family, his home but they were all just reminders of what he could have had, the life he would have lived if he hadn't have been bitten.

Many a time he had thought of driving a stake through his own heart, just to end it all. All he did was exist in misery, loathing what he had become. That was until he met Dan. Phil had only told Dan he was a vampire as a way of warding him off, warning him, protecting him. He didn't want to hurt this witty, handsome man he had found himself falling for. Oddly however, Dan had taken the news quite well. After realising he was never going to stop pining over this man if he let him go Phil gave in and asked Dan on a date which he giddily accepted. They had been dating happily for just over two years now and Phil couldn't be happier.

"I'm not really sure if a want to try it." Phil said gesturing to the pizza.

"It's really good I promise." Dan said taking another bite. Phil sighed and place the blood bag down on the table in front of them. He didn't have the energy right now to drink it, bagged blood always tasted disgusting anyway. He had been drinking it ever since it was common enough for him to get a hold of but that didn't mean he was used to the taste. At least he didn't have to hurt people anymore though.

"Surely a little piece of pizza won't hurt you." Wow Dan sure was eager to get him to eat this pizza. Phil rolled his eyes and singed heavily before tentatively picking up a piece. It was true that he could eat human food and some of it could actually taste ok but for the most part it was disgusting and he didn't need it so why bother trying.

"Why do you want me to eat this so badly?" he asked curiously.

"Well I want to know if I can still eat it when I become a vampire." He answered cheerfully, "I'll have pretty boring undead life if I can't."

"Hey," Phil giggled, punching lightly on the arm but suddenly his tone shifted, "And if you become a vampire, not when." Dan frowned.

"Phil, you know I want to be turned, two years, you promised."

"I know I promised, but what if you change your mind." Phil responded, a hint of panic in his voice, "What if you change your mind and it's too late. What if I turn you and you hated. You have to exist with that for all eternity. I don't want to turn you into a monster Dan" He trailed off at the end, a single tear falling from his eye. Dan sighed and gently moved Phil's head around so that he could look him in the eyes. Dan's soft brown ones met with Phil's fiery red and Dan leant in to place a soft kiss on the other's lips.

"I know you hated being turned." He said softly, "I know you were lonely and upset, I know you hated hurting people and watching your family go on without you but I won't hate it. I won't be lonely because I will have you, I won't have to hurt people and family wise as far as I'm concerned you are my family and you'll always be there for me, won't you?". Phil still looked a bit distressed but significantly less so than before. "Of course." He replied grabbing hold of Dan's hand and squeezing them tight, "I'll never leave you if you wish it so."

"Well I do. In two years, you'll be stuck with me forever."

"No, you'll be stuck with me."

"Were not a pair of arguing Scooby doo villains." Dan said laughing.

"Well we might as well be." Phil said grinning to reveal two long pearly white canines. The went quiet for a second before quickly dissolving into fits of laughter.

"I love you." Phil whispered quietly, gently resting his head on top of Dan's.

"I know." Dan grinned, snuggling into Phil's chest and causing Phil to give him a playful shove. "Hey if you'd just have let me finish I would have revealed I love you also." Dan defended quickly

"You're not revealing it if I already know."

"Oh, come off it." Dan scoffed rolling his eyes at Phil.

"Now I do really love you but I would also really like you to take a bit of this pizza for me." Dan said, smiling sweetly. He was giving Phil his best puppy dog eyes and honestly who could say no to that.

"Please."

"Yes, I get it, I'm going to try." Phil muttered picking up a slice. For Dan's sake, he really hoped this tasted ok. He hesitantly brought the slice to his mouth and took a bite bore spitting it right back out again.

"I'm sorry Dan but You're going to have to enjoy this pizza while you're alive because to vampire taste buds that tasted absolutely fowl." Dan looked disappointed to say the least but he smiled a little when Phil began to scrape at his tongue in an attempt to rid it of cheese residue.

"I've changed my mind Phil, I don't want to be a vampire."

**Author's Note:**

> A/N Ay thanks for reading hope you enjoyed, check out my other works for some more content to waste you time on. Talk to me in the comments and have a nice day yall :)


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